It has hit me just now. Happiness outwards does not neccessarily potray what's going on inside. i have seen so many folks who do not want to share what they feel. The feelings are hidden deep within them because vulnerability is not appreciated these days.
My world has always been a lagoon , secluded and yet a part of the great ocean. Sometimes I just drift away in my thoughts, not wanting to be disturbed by things that really matter. it is unfortunate that I sometimes just do not care. I cannot be a social animal all the time. The constant expectations of people from me is excrutiating. The charade has to end some time.
I think everyone of us should get a personal time to be mean. It is not in bad taste that I ask for it. It does help one to unwind, and to think of ways to flush out the bitterness. Life is not fair, and so humans got this emotions of mean-ness in them. Sometimes my days filled with sunshine and sometimes I wither in the rains. the emotions that surround me are true to me but I cannot always show them as it is to others. The protocol of being a social animal is difficult to follow. The act of being within our own race is cultivated since one is a kid. do this, don't do that, say thank you, say please - things go own , till you have your own set rulebook to follow.
what if we were left to grow the way we are born, free and wild. Sure there were our ancestors who would have been that way but who decided that we need to have a civilized society, that the common culture of etiquettes was of utmost importance. What we could just barge in into our parents home because we were feeling lonely and sad. what if we could just pour our heart out at a stranger without being judged and what if our friends told us that they hated us on a particular occassion.
Life has become so artificial under the heavy weight of these "guidelines to live" . Sometimes I just yearn to be a fugitive. Run away from it all, probably find a world somewhere where feelings run true, emotions are untamed and tears don't need hiding.
Run , run, for this place exists, if not in physical sense, but in your mind. You can do whatever you want, show what you want to show and then believe that you have had a good break from this monotonous , so called "real life".
